I have always been on the heavier side of the scale. Kids have always been quick to notice that I seem to weigh more than their family members. Several years ago I volunteered (and later worked) at a daycare and I had a little girl who was quick to point out that she noticed my overweight issue. It was Halloween and I was dressed up as a person from the 1950's, complete with a poodle skirt and white tennis shoes to match. She was looking at my shoes and said something to the effect that I had big feet. I said yes, my feet are bigger than yours. She went on to inquire, "Is that because you are so fat?" Now, to this little girl, I probably did seem like a giant, as she was petite in her build (and was not allowed to have milk at school because her parents did not want her to have weight issues). I kind of reacted with "Did I just hear you say that?"
I told the lead teacher what she said. The lead teacher was embarrassed and apologized profusely. I was embarrassed as well. Rather than the little girl being told that we are all different and that there are nicer ways to express yourself, it was pretty much a hush hush situation. I do not think her parents were told about the incident. Even though the little girl was stating the obvious, and noticing differences, she was allowed to continue a pattern of bias because this was not confronted. The little girl had not learned from this because I discovered that she continued making comments about people's weight. Perhaps a conference with the parents should have been scheduled with "anecdotal data" (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2010, p. 35).
A learning opportunity for this child was missed. She could discussed with the teachers that people are different, and that is OK. She could have been empowered by being given words to refer to people other than fat. Also, this should not have been so hush-hush. I could have talked more openly with her as well had I had more anti-bias training. I would definitely handle this differently now.
Derman-Sparks, L., & Olsen Edwards, J. (2010). Anti-bias education for young children and ourselves. Washington, DC: NAEYC.
Hello Kristi,
ReplyDeleteI think a learning moment and teachable moment was passed for all. It is clear that the little girl has a pattern that was established by her family (Cycle of Socialization) and it will continue until someone addresses the issue of how she sees people. The lead teacher also needed to address her unwillingness to address the issue. Maybe everyone could have taken the time to explore their feelings and how to talk about hurting people’s feelings. It is easy to see where her bias comes from and the pattern will be hard for her to change because it stems from her parents. I think it is Dove that has come up with a program to bring awareness that all types and looks are beautiful to build up self-esteem. We also need to see the beauty in each other at all times and well as accept the difference that we have. Everyone needed support in that instance and that little girl may face problems of self- image in her life time. She may have negative images of others and it may turn back on her one day.
Kristi,
ReplyDeleteYou are right the situation should have been handle with a matter of fact response that yes, I am bigger than you and then followed up with people come in all different shapes and sizes and then start asking her about why she does not drink milk etc...Often times, it is not what children say that hurt but how they say it and where. I am sure that if it was in a one on one setting the sting factor would not have been as bad as you could of used it to questioned her curiosity about you. All I can say is been there done that! Great post!